Ya know, Oliver, you raise some great points here. One situation you mentioned that really gets under my skin is when people show up with the intention of comforting the grieving and the situation get twisted around and it becomes all about their grief. It strikes me as a subtle form of manipulation, if — let’s call the person “the visitor” — the visitor gets their needs met and the grieving do not.
One thing that might be helpful for “visitors” and the grieving to keep in mind is that they both are grieving. Yes, at different intensities and for different reasons, but the goal is for everyone to recognize the grief in one another and share in that grief together. That way the whole thing is a bit more equitable all around.
Thanks for writing this.