Jennifer, I just skimmed through a few of [name redacted]’s posts. Forget him. The guy’s life is in a total shambles. You know when some people are in a world of hurt they don’t have the coping skills to deal with what’s going on in their own lives, and feel that their circumstances give them license to strike at any- and everyone? That’s that guy. In all honesty, he doesn’t know his ass from a glazed ham at this point. That’s not justification for his behavior, only an explanation.
Yes, it was a shitty thing for him to do.
An image came to mind while I was reading his stuff, some of it a bit of self-disclosure and parts lashing out at others. Did you see “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2”? Idunno if you’re into the Potter franchise at all, but in case you aren’t (and bear with me if you’re familiar with all of this), near the end of the final film in the series Voldemort (Harry Potter’s antagonist who over the course of the eight films has perpetrated truly malevolent acts all in an attempt to become the most powerful wizard) is seen in by Harry in an altered state of mind for what he truly is: this shriveled up halfling barely alive. I forget exactly how Harry—or if it’s Dumbledore (Harry’s mentor) that says it. But basically, they come to the realization that the thing that Voldemort didn’t have that Harry did was love.
The next time you encounter a reply that you deam callous or abusive; after the first word that gets under your skin: stop reading, block them, and roll on. Stop, block, and roll.
You’re Harry. And that guy is Voldemort. While your circumstances may seem overwhelming, you are loved. And that guy? Not so much. Please don’t give him another thought.
You have people standing in the gap with you, people who are believing in a brighter future on your behalf even though you may not be able to.
There’s all these fine people who most definitely have your back—TeriJo Fierce Force 💃🏼 Tre L. Loadholt Wild Flower Heath Houston Sherry Kappel Allison Washington Alexainie SF Ali Dusty Craig Ré Harris Renae Tobias Jess Schwendinger Jewels marika bianca Meg Barclay Gordon Harkey H. Nemesis Nyx—most of whom I’ve come across and hold in high regard. And the others? Well, they get high ranking in my book due to their association with the others.
And there’s me.
I’m praying for you. I read that you called out to God and feel that He’s not listening, can’t hear you, or doesn’t want to help. I don’t believe that. I don’t claim to know the mind of God, but in my life I’ve found that sometimes I’ve had to stop trying to fix situations or make things happen that were out of my control. I’ve had to literally admit that I couldn’t fix the situation, step back, and go, Okay, God. You see me down here scuffling with the nonsense. I can’t fix it. You know I need it fixed. So I’m going hands-off and you can step in and handle it. And I stepped back and expected God to “handle it.”
God’s funny. He’s never answered my prayers in the way I’ve expected, but he’s never left my high or dry. Sometimes his responses to my prayers have come quickly, but they were never in a manner that I expected. Sometimes his answers to my prayers have taken longer than I thought or took a more circuitous route than “I” would have liked, but again, he didn’t leave me high and dry.
That’s not apathy.
Your faith doesn’t have to be perfect or on full tilt 24/7. You just need a little bit. God can work with whatever you’ve got.
Jennifer, I’m talking about actively waiting.
What do you do in the waiting? You try as best you can to turn your attention to other things. You try to change the playlist in your head. Do all that you can to take care of yourself and shore up your reserves.
I can tell that you’re so hurting right now. No one blames you at all. You’ve prayed your prayers. Please, dry your eyes (written with as much feeling as I can possibly pour into a public post from a laptop), and wait and see what God does on your behalf. Let him fight your battles for you.
I know there’s some out there who passionately disagree with my strategy, but I’m telling you what’s worked for me. And I know for a fact that Christ loves you just as much as he loves me.
That’s the best I’ve got for you, Jenn.
Much love and God bless,