Ernio, thank you for this look inside your heart and sharing a burden. While reading this I thought of my own not too typical relationship with my father. He was more charismatic, outgoing, and business-minded and I was (and still am) more subdued, shy, and artistic. Like you and your father, we didn’t have long conversations, the recalled stories of his youth, or deep heart-to-heart conversations. When he died, I wept openly at his graveside and I thought that was the end of grieving. In reality, it was only the tip of the iceberg.
Father-son relationships are tricky even in the best of circumstances. If I might offer some totally unsolicited non-advice, give yourself time to grieve and heal. It was five years before I was able to even admit that my father’s death left me wounded. But with the help of a good therapist and the company of some Godly men, I was able to realize that my father was neither a monolith nor a monster, but a human being with his own dreams, personality, and foibles who did the best that he could given the circumstances. With that realization, feelings of being shortchanged or let down slowly dissipated.
Give yourself time and space and at some point you’ll be able to see your father in a more realistic and human light, and you’ll be free to see all that he left you that you missed before.
Wishing you the best and thank you again.